he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm at about main and main street
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
