I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
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