Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Of course I have a pirate flag
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
