Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize