Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
