you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I am naked and annoyed.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
