All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
