My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize