You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I just found a bag of teeth...
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
