I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
