There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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