She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
