Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
