there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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