be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
