i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
