I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
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