were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
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