...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
