at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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