I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
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