drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize