Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
