Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
