Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
