All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
