So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
