I think my vagina is haunted
i just had sex bonerless
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
