awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
