so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife š¬
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
oh, heās out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
He was all āplease donāt bail because Iām missing work for thisā last night
Honey no, I need dick. Iām not going to bail
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