No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize