I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Randomize
