is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
