Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
