We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
