There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Everclear isn't food dammit
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
