All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
