she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Randomize
