Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
