Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's like iHOP with fire
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Randomize
