Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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