I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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