Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
