I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
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