i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
