My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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