please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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