If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
