Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You can't just leave with hair like that
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Randomize
