I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Randomize
