mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
he quoted the bible to break up with me
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Randomize
