Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I believe in your delicious
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
