Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize