Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
