I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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