dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
