I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
