I cannot find my penis.
I just threw up on my dentist
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
