Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
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