I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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