im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
