Do you still have your period?
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize