Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
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