dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
