She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
operation harelip BJ is a go
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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