paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize