Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
