i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
tell me about the fingering
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
