Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
